Elk River Challenge
Let me begin by saying my Terry was a planned blessing, and we have always been very close. She grew up playing on the river during the summer and snow skiing in the winter. Terry had many friends. There were always a couple more children in our house that we didn’t get to claim as a tax deduction, but we wouldn’t have had it any other way. In 1996 we built a new home and I was able to quit my job and stay home with the girls. I loved it! Finally, I wasn’t torn between my family and my paying job.
In 1999, Terry’s father announced he was no longer happy and was leaving us. For the next several years the girls and their dad didn’t have much of a relationship. We felt hurt, angry and abandoned. These issues continued throughout Terry’s teen years.
When Terry entered high school she was a social butterfly. She had many friends but she began smoking and drinking. She also experienced several incidents of hazing, a form of peer abuse. I thought Terry had settled down her sophomore and junior years, but senior year rolled around she started smoking pot and hanging out with a questionable crowd.
Her grades were good; she was easy to get along with at home and had a job at a pharmacy through the work program at her high school. Things seemed to be falling into place and yet… something was wrong.
I tell parents now that if you have a gut feeling about something there is a reason. A friend had come to me and said kids were telling her Terry was doing drugs. Of course this didn’t make any sense to me. Her grades were good and she wasn’t a problem at home. To prove my friend (and myself) wrong I started to investigate. The deeper I dug the less sure I became of her honesty.
Several days later I asked her for the truth. I told her that no matter what, I would always love her. The next day we were in the car and I asked her one more time about the drugs. She told me to pull over and asked me, “Are you sure you would love me no matter what?” I responded “Absolutely!” With tears in her eyes she said “I have a problem; I’m addicted to Loratab.” I looked at her and said “Terry, I love you no matter what, but you are going to have to trust me to fix this.”
I researched a few treatment programs. I knew I had to get her somewhere safe and get her there fast. I had known a child in our hometown that had been to the Elk River Challenge program. The family put me in contact with ERC and the staff put my fears to rest. I knew in my heart, as a mother, I had to do this. Terry entered ERC two days after telling me about her addiction. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. My baby, on drugs, and I didn’t even know it.
The ERC staff said Terry was determined to do what was necessary to get on with her life. All of a sudden there was no cell phone, no fancy clothes, and no momma, just her. During those weeks at Elk River she learned to appreciate what many of us take for granted. She got to the “root” of what led her in a bad direction. The staff taught her one of the greatest life lessons: You can’t change people but you can change the way you react to them.
While Terry was at ERC, I started going to counseling to educate myself on what to expect and how to cope with someone with an addiction. A major step to recovery is what happens when your child comes home from a program. You can’t send a child off, “fix” them and bring them back into the same environment because it isn’t fair to your child. I didn’t want to be that naive parent anymore, yet I didn’t want to be a psycho mom that suspected everything. Instead, I became educated about the drug world and learned to establish boundaries for raising my children. No more wishy-washy parenting where you are firm one moment and then give in to keep peace.
Looking back I think that the most important key for our recovery was “forgiveness”. I had to forgive Terry for doing this to herself. The biggie was I had to forgive myself for not seeing this happen right before my very eyes. Forgiveness is what truly helped our family move forward.
Terry has now moved off to college. It is amazing the maturity difference I see in her and the appreciation Terry has for her family and life. I got a chuckle lately when she told me she was just tickled when there is toilet paper in the house. This from a child who wanted a certain kind of jeans and wouldn’t been caught dead looking less than her best. Now, she is a young lady who takes true pride in herself. She is happy with the simplest of things. She is a sophomore and is doing great in school. She is majoring in Psychology and wants to specialize in helping teenagers.
We all go through growing pains in life but I think it is important to recognize that everyone makes mistakes. What is essential is to learn from our mistakes, don’t beat ourselves up for the past, forgive and learn to move forward helping others along the way.
Elk River Challenge (ERC), a division of The Pinnacle Schools Inc., is an outdoor adventure therapeutic program for troubled teens ages 12-18. The program is highly structured and features physician directed medication management, an accredited academic curriculum and off campus expedition course. The staff has over 100 years combined experience working with troubled teens and their families. For more information on ERC visit www.thepinnacleschools.com or call toll-free at (866) 906-8336.
